Heartbreak – part 1

My heart is pounding. I walk into his friend's house; I know something isn't right. I stopped by unannounced to give him a note. I wanted him to know that I appreciated everything that he had been doing to get better. His hair is messy - he looks like he just woke up. He quickly …

Moving on

The past month since my last post has been, in a word, overwhelming. My house finally received an offer and we have spent this time getting it ready for closing. At the same time, I have had to find somewhere to live, figure out moving logistics, work full time, and deal with my ever-changing emotions. …

Drowning…

Well, where to begin? On Friday, November 2nd, I almost died. I remember feeling the glass from my car windows hitting my face. I can hear the sounds of the semi truck's brakes and the car slamming into the guardrail. I remember looking over at my husband in the seat next to me, his hands …

Stolen Time

Hi readers, It's been a while since my last post. I have been so depressed and anxious that I haven't had the energy to do my job well. I feel my motivation sliding down. I feel the darkness all around and it scares me. I feel so alone. My husband and I have seen each …

As he sleeps peacefully.

As I type this, I am looking at my husband fast asleep in our bed. Yes - he is here with me right now. I had asked him on Monday if he would be interested in coming to see me on Friday (today). He said yes and here we are. He has a date night …

Unsure

Another day. Another hour. Another minute. Staring at my phone waiting for him to call, text, send me a picture, something. I think about him constantly. This longing never goes away. I feel so confused by my emotions. I love him so much, even though he has hurt me. He told me that he wants …

Mixed feelings

Here I am again. Another sleepless night, another work day, another mask to wear. I got to work early and I'm dreading the inevitable question, "How was your weekend?"  I hate that question. I wonder if anyone else feels the way I do. Does anyone else wear this mask that I know so well? I …

What am I doing to me?

I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression when I was 10 years old. They are my constant companions. I grew up in an alcoholic home, where I was forced to grow up much faster than a normal child. My childhood existed of taking care of my alcoholic, keeping up with household chores, and raising my …

The pit

5 weeks. It's been 5 weeks since my life changed dramatically. It's odd, time feels like it's moving so slow, but I have trouble understanding how it has been so long. It feels like yesterday I walked out and heard him on the phone with her. My metal state is...rocky to say the least. I …

What I wish I could say to “her”

Dear Nicole, The goal of this letter is not to belittle you or make myself feel superior. I just found out you existed 6 days ago. How didn't I know that you were in my husband's life? I have so many questions for you. When did you meet? Have you had sex? When he told …